Predicting the Future of Sports #2…With Pictures/Proof!

Because you, the general public, demanded a sequel to the controversial original post, I bring you

Predicting the Future of Sports #2

Here’s the header to re-familiarize yourself with everything.

When I was back home last, I found this book that I bought in High School for about 10 cents from the public library.  I know this isn’t card related, but it should be fun nonetheless.  Bare with me.
It’s called “The People’s Almanac Presents The Book of Predictions.” Published in 1981, the editors compiled predictions on just about every imaginable subject from experts in their respective fields. These aren’t people that claim to be psychics, but rather know enough about their industries to make educated guesses as to what will happen between 1982 and 2030.
I bought the book in the late 1990s sometime, thinking it would be good for some laughs as the years progressed. Let’s see how right I was. I may split this up into a few different posts, due to the number of predictions in this thing.

Now, to prove the book exists…here’s a picture.

Your future is in the palm of my hands

Oh, and your future is copyrighted 1981

So, the book is real and it’s spectacular!  Let’s get back to the predictions, shall we?

I’m going to continue with Martin Abramson’s predictions first

1993-2030
-As electronic games featuring sports become ever more sophisticated and advanced, professional leagues will be formed.  Their members will play games at home, competing with others who also play in their homes, via electronic and cable connections.  Since games of this type do not require physical skill, but rather mental agility and dexterity, there will arise a new breed of sports performer who will not have to be physically strong or require constant training.
-Robots will become so advanced in their physical characteristics and their ability to perform as “Hessians” that football teams will be made up of these robots.  They will be directed from the bench by the coach.
-The mile will be run in 3 min. flat by a male.
-A female mark of 3 min. 40 sec. will be set.

Martin was essentially correct about the first point.  There was (maybe still is) a professional video game league that tanked, because no one likes watching other people play video games as a sport.  Except for the Koreans and their Starcraft professional leagues.  As to the sports performers that aren’t strong or training…we have them now.  Just ask Carlos Silva or CC Sabathia or half the relief pitchers and first basemen in the league.  Oh, and bowlers.

Robot football leagues…so that’s what Fox has been up to this entire time.  That dancing bastard is going to turn sentient on us and sack Tom Brady!  In all seriousness, however, if people weren’t willing to watch battle bots, why would they watch robots on the GRID-iron?  Half the fun is hoping someone gets hurt.

Back to the track and field.  I debunked this last time, although dude still has nearly 20 years to prove me wrong.  You have to love predictions for that reason.  By the time the date rolls around either no one remembers you said it, or if they did and called you out on it, what does it matter.  It’s a guess.

1993-2030 (cont.)
-Tennis tournaments will be won by 13- and 14-year olds (defeating competitors twice their age)

-A series of revolts against the corruption in college sports will finally bring an end to the “professionalized” system of college athletics.  Institutions of learning will go back to their original concept of using sports as a recreational activity for bona fide students.
-The record for lifetime passes caught in the NFL will be broken.  The new total will be 789.
-Fran Tarkenton’s record of yardage gained passing over a lifetime career will be broken.  The new record will be 50,115.
-The record price for a yearling racehorse in the U.S. will be $4.5 million.
-A 3,000-lb. fish will be caught in Alaska, the largest fish ever caught by a human using  a rod.
-Wilt Chamberlain’s record of 31,419 points scored in a lifetime in basketball will be broken.  The new record will be 37,125 points.
-The Indianapolis 500 race will be won in 2 hr. and 20 sec.
-Hank Aaron’s lifetime home-run total (755) will be broken.  The new record will be 807.

So far, no one has won a tennis grand slam at these ages, but I bet if they did, it wouldn’t be against people twice their age, since most tennis pros don’t stay that competitive into their late 20s anymore.  There have been tennis champs at age 15 and 16, however.

I love this one.  BCS haters could call this a dream come true, practically.  I call it the end of professional sports as we know it.  If players don’t hone their skills on the college level, then the professional game will resemble the college game and I think people would become impatient with this and turn against the sports and maybe start watching battle bots, robot football and video game championships.

The record for receptions was broken.  Jerry Rice currently holds the record at an apparently unpredictable 1,549 – nearly twice the predicted new mark.

The record for yardage gained is owned by Brett Favre at 71,838.  Another big jump from the expected level.

In 1983 a yearling was sold at auction for over $10 million.  The current record is $16 million in 2006 for the horse dubbed “The Green Monkey.”  Aaah, horse prostitution.

Just recently a 327 lb Alligator Gar fish was caught and is believed to be the largest ever.  I think the day this prediction comes true is the day that the Loch Ness Monster is revealed and subsequently eaten by all of Scotland.

Wilt’s record has been surpassed three times.  Currently Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Karl Malone and Michael Jordan have more points.  Shaq and Kobe are slotted 5 and 6, with Kobe having the best shot to move past Wilt as well.  Kareem’s current record stands at 38,387.  Interesting side note.  Wilt never made a 3 point shot in his career (mostly because it didn’t exist in the NBA until 1979).  Shaq has made 1 three ever (and I think 6 free throws).  Jordan has played slightly fewer games than Kobe and has about 5,000 more points.  All I’m saying is Go Bulls!  D-Rose MVP!

I couldn’t find any info on the Indy 500’s fastest race, only the fastest average speed and laps.  I suppose I could do the math, but I’m not going to.  I’ll just say that cars are getting faster, so maybe it’s possible.  I don’t know much about racing.

Hank Aaron’s record was kind of broken.  Kind of not.  It’s really not so cream, I mean, clear.  I always get those two confused.

picture time! Would you watch this?

The next predictions come from the section entitled “Legalized Gambling, Rugby in America and New Rules for Baseball.”  Our predictionist is W.C. Heinz from the New York Sun.  I’ll go through about half of these and save the rest for one final post down the line.

1982-1992
-Boxing, as the most socially significant of all the sporting art forms, will remain, as it has always been, a refuge for the underprivileged.  With the decline of prejudice and the advancement of social legislation in this country, however, most world-class boxers, and thus the champions, will emerge from the less economically secure and less socially oriented nations.
-As Homo sapiens [sic?] continues [okay, now I know it's sic] to grow in height, and college and professional basketball scores mount commensurably, the basket will be raised from 10 ft. to 10 ft. 6 in.  Games will still be won in the last two seconds, but with such comparatively modest scores as 98-97.
-As more secondary schools are unable to meet the rising costs of equipping football squads, and as clavicle cracking, ligament tearing, cartilage slipping, and spinal disk displacements arouse increasing parental concern, soccer will become the primary scholastic sport.  The rest shall follow until the game becomes the national, as it is the world, team sport.
-With the decline of American football, its progenitor, English rugby, involving as it does running with the ball, passing, kicking, and tackling with less expense to budgets and bodies, will take new root in this country.

If I’m reading the boxing thing right, he’s basically saying that the black and hispanic boxers that dominated boxing would give way to third world countries and barbaric nations.  Anyone else drawing something different?  No matter what he’s saying, it’s wrong since boxing was basically unchanged as of 1992.  Of course, now it’s virtually dead.

This is the second prediction that basketball hoops were going to be raised.  The only time it actually happened was on an MTV Rock & Jock game, and I’m pretty sure that was after 1992.  I love the comparatively modest scores.  For a while, that looked to be an offensive juggernaut of a game.

What a gruesome prediction.  Did he really need to go into such detail?  It sounds like someone was picked last in gym class.  Football wasn’t insanely popular by 1992, but it obviously didn’t run its course as this says.  Soccer…pssh.  Why do people assume soccer is going to catch on like wildfire one of these days?  We’re all going to pretend to like it once every 4 years for a couple weeks and then go back to the way things were.

And rugby too.  I don’t care how much you explain how the game is played, it’s still not going to catch on.  And that’s MY prediction!

Class dismissed!  Part 3 coming eventually!

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